Grow Through What you Go Through
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
-Maya Angelou
Life brings us many experiences – good bad and ugly and within each of these is an opportunity to grow in our lives. But, in order to grow, we have to be willing to ‘grow through what we go through.’
The cycle of life is not rainbows and unicorns and I know only too well how it feels to be at rock bottom facing adversity at each turn. I didn’t always understand the gifts within the pain and suffering and it took a few rock bottoms, and suicide attempts to put me on a path of self-discovery where I was able to flip the script on all the pain, the struggle and the negativity.
What I have learned is that when shit hits the fan rather than run and hide we need to face it head on, we have to learn to accept it as a learning and growing experience. Because the sooner we do the easier things become.
Today more than ever, we collectively have a renewed understanding of the losses people have suffered and we have also seen how people have had to ‘grow through adversity’ due to the global pandemic.
Many have witnessed the loss of loved ones, faced unemployment, loss of income, poverty, whole families being obliterated and separated. I too did not escape the impact of this. I found myself jobless, homeless and bankrupt and the final nail in the coffin was my children being separated from me.
I am not ashamed to admit that growth through adversity was furthermost from my mind. The pain of being away from my home, my children and feeling totally adrift in the world was too much to bear and I would often find myself wishing that I could close my eyes and never wake up.
It was in these darkest of hours where I flipped the script and I looked for an opportunity to give my soul the peace it needed, so I could have clarity of mind and see the opportunity for growth.
The opportunity came, not without sacrifice or challenge it wasn’t wrapped up neatly in a big bow but I grabbed it nevertheless, mainly because I felt I had no other choice.
When something bad happens, we can either let it defeat us or we can use it to fuel our growth. The choice is ours.
There are going to be times in our lives when things don’t go our way. When this happens, it is easy to fall into a spiral of negativity.
But what do we mean by “growth”?
Personal growth is the ongoing process of understanding and developing ourselves in order to reach our full potential and live our best lives. Personal development is a vital part in our growth, maturity, success and happiness. It is the foundation of emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual health.
The key to remember here is that is a process and as a process it is a consistent practise of continual growth. It is a journey that lasts a lifetime. Growth as well as happiness are not destinations, they are states of being and we can choose to be in those states anytime we wish.
When you choose to see life through the lens of growth it helps you move through life’s challenges with relative ease.
To help you focus on the positive aspects of the challenges you face and use them as motivation for your own personal growth here are my top tips to help you ‘grow through what you go through’.
- Acknowledge the Opportunity for Growth
When something bad happens, we can choose to see it as a defeat or an opportunity to grow.
If you are in a negative situation, or feeling stuck in a situation it is time to evaluate.
Ask yourself if there’s a way you can use this “situation” to your advantage.
Misfortune, when faced head-on, can be an amazing source of empowerment.
Eg. Facing redundancy? What opportunities are out there to do something that ignites your passion?
When we are hit with a big setback, our first reaction is one of denial.
Then anger.
Next is bargaining.
And finally, acceptance.
Most people who have been through a tough time will tell you that the toughest part is the “acceptance” part. That’s because it means we have to let go of the outcome we were hoping for and simply learn to live with the reality of what has happened.
I know I spent a great deal of energy stuck in the acceptance part and trying desperately to cling onto the past, desperately looking at ways to undo what has been done or recover something from the remnants of what had ended just to avoid the inevitable change and uncertainty that would follow.
Don’t Look For A Quick Fix… rather allow this to Lead You On A Journey Of Discovery!
- Be Self Aware
As humans we all have qualities good, bad and ugly. We are talented in some areas more than others and we all have areas where we need to develop and gain mastery.
If we want to improve, we need to acknowledge where we need to develop and be willing to put the work in. The first step to improvement is awareness.
Who are you? Beneath all the labels you have either been given or given to your yourself – who are you deep down? What lights you up? What brings you joy and what hurts your soul.
- Know your own Strengths
Our strengths are very often our passions.
When we know the things that we are good at and do more of those we feel confident and powerful, our energy is high and we can accomplish tasks with vigour.
How can you focus on the things you are good at to help you through challenging times?
You are never given something so challenging that you cannot handle. You have strengths so know what they are and use them.
- Grow Through The Fear
We all have fears. Everybody in the world has fears.
It is when we are faced with these fears that we grow.
Rather than running away from our fears; we go through them.
How?
Face it Embrace it And Replace it!
The first step to doing this is to simply admit that we have fears. Do not label or judge your fears as ‘silly’ ‘stupid’ or irrational – even though you may feel they are.
Acknowledge that these are genuine fears you have.
Embracing our fears means feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Let the fear go and prove it wrong. Replace the fear thoughts with positive constructive thoughts.
These are the steps that will lead us to become stronger and more confident.
- Don’t look back you are not going that way!
The past is gone. You cannot change it. Whatever you did in the past is over and done with. If you keep worrying about the past, you will always be unhappy and you will never be able to live in the here and now.
Make peace with the past. Reflect and learn but do not ruminate.
Seek to understand but accept that you cannot undo what has been done but you can learn from it and next time you will be able to adapt your actions or your thinking.
- Take a leap of faith!
You have to be willing to take risks to grow and succeed in life.
This means that you should be willing to put yourself in a position where you could fail.
Remember FAIL means: First Attempt In Learning
You must be willing to fail in order to keep learning.
There will always be obstacles to overcome in life – it is part of the journey.
You need to be willing to face these obstacles. You can overcome them if you have the right attitude. You will need to learn how to ‘grow through what you go through.’ The more you try, the more you will succeed.
- Believe In You!
The key to success is self-belief. How we think about ourselves is the most important part of overcoming challenges. Our thoughts are powerful – if we think we can or think we can’t we are right.
Whatever you are going through right now – however challenging it may be always believe in your ability to overcome.
You cannot control external events, pandemics, financial crisis, illness but you can choose how you respond to it.
Always belief in your own resilience and ability to climb mountains.
- Have A Growth Mindset
A growth mindset is an attitude that you are never finished growing. It is the belief that you can always get better.
Having a growth mindset means that you believe that your intelligence and knowledge can grow. People with a growth mindset believe that they can learn and grow from their mistakes and from their failures.
In other words, they have learned how to ‘grow through what they go through’. They believe that they have the ability to improve and change their life for the better.
You should never give up on trying to accomplish great things. You should keep trying and never let the “failure” of one attempt stop you from trying again. If you have a growth mindset, you will keep trying until you succeed.
- Cultivate An Attitude Of Gratitude
We all have problems in life, and many of these problems are very difficult to overcome. One way to deal with our problems is to get angry at them. However, this will not solve our problem. Instead, this will cause our problem to get much worse.
We can flip the script and be thankful for the problem and the opportunities this brings.
The attitude of gratitude helps us gain perspective over our problems.
When we practice gratitude for the things we do have we release negative energy around the things we desire.
There is gratitude in every single moment.
In my lowest darkest points I struggled to find things to feel grateful for.
I flipped the script and started a daily practice of gratitude. At first I would only be able to think of basic things such as, grateful for having water to drink, air to breathe… but soon I would be seeing the joy in other things and feeling grateful that I get to experience these.
- Do you vibe with your tribe?
Be mindful of who you spend your time with. If you are with people who show up in their ‘mardy cardy’ every day they will suck the positivity from you.
You need positive people who believe in you, support you and encourage you.
You can learn alot from people who have been through what you are going through. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people who have also experienced ‘growing through what you go through’ will inspire you to do the same.
- Go with the flow
You never know what might happen tomorrow. So, you need to develop the ability to deal with unexpected situations.
A good way to do this is to have a “go with the flow” attitude.
Imagine that nothing is going to happen, and then try to plan your day or week around this fact.
When unexpected things do happen, focus on moving forward. Avoid feelings of frustration when obstacles show up – ride the wave and have faith in your ability to overcome.